How ‘givers’ can avoid the midwinter burnout blues Jamaica
Each time I arrive at Frenchman’s Cove, Jamaica, for our USATAA Gathering, I breathe in the warm, scented, tropical air, and am reminded of how much effect a place can have on our overall experience. Time seems to slow as we become present to the sounds and images of jungle, ocean, and birds. Nurturing is the word that describes this place.
By the time we enter our circle of stimulating and diverse colleagues on Sunday morning, we are already at ease. From there we design our “un-conference” so that presentations and discussions flow smoothly through our schedule for the week.
One of the aspects that I most enjoy is the self-awareness we bring to how we organize. Using what’s called “Open Space Technology,” the community follows the energy, and works together to create an educational and transformative program. What occurs is both planned and emergent.
The learnings from the process itself feed my work as a consultant to self-managing organizations, as well as helping me understand my own impact and feelings. As someone who tends to give emotionally and otherwise (I’m guessing you know something about this too!), this conference is a restorative practice that feeds all three: mind, body and soul.
You can still register; you don’t need prior experience with transactional analysis; you’ll meet people from Europe, the US, and Jamaica, from various professional fields; you’ll relax at the beach; and you’ll learn about Jamaica and its culture, in the most affordable week-long residential program you are likely to find anywhere.
When? Feb. 4-11, 2017. Where? Port Antonio, Jamaica.
So, what’s stopping you from signing up right now? Follow the link for fees and registration form. Direct your questions to me, Lucy Freedman, at email@example.com.
“There are two TA’s: the one we care trained to think in and use in understanding our clients, which is not simple, and the direct language we use in speaking to clients, which is simple.” – William Cornell
How can I teach TA to new clients?? That is a challenge. Even though TA is simple and effective, there are so many definitions and diagrams that clients (and new therapists) can get confused or overwhelmed.
When I was an organizational trainer, I learned three elements were necessary to convey new information in an effective way. 1. Good visuals 2. Simple definition/diagrams 3. A good story. These 3 elements help clients and students absorb the new data, and gives them a system and structure for continued learning, and relates the information to their lives.
1. Good Visuals
“A picture is worth a 1000 words.” When I drive to a new location, I need a road map. I need to see how I am getting to my destination. I need to see the journey as a whole, ‘the big picture’. Unless I get the big picture, I don’t grasp simple concepts.
But since principles for personal growth are abstract and conceptual, how can I put those concepts in visual form? I came up with a visual tool that includes seven basic TA principles—belief systems and behaviors—that contribute to an authentic life. I put it in an electronic book, called “The Seven Principles for Creating an Authentic Life.” I use the picture (and metaphor) of a flourishing tree to represent an authentic life.
Most people can understand the principles of nature. They know a healthy tree needs two things-a good root system, and strong branches. The root system requires good, rich, nourishing soil ( in order for the roots to grow deep into the soil). A good root system provides stability and strength. As a result, the tree emerges with strong, healthy, flourishing branches.
A flourishing tree is a metaphor for a flourishing life. This diagram shows two TA belief systems and five behaviors that contribute to an authentic, flourishing life. The Seven Principles helps clients see how belief systems (root system) and behaviors (branches) come together to create an authentic life.
2. Simple Definitions and Diagrams
I teach my clients and students seven basic TA concepts using short, concise phrases. So Principle 3 “Understanding Self and Others” represents a BIG, complex subject, but it is summarized in simple, easy-to-remember terms. I explain that each principle has a corresponding TA diagram that we use to understand our belief systems and behaviors.
And as in nature, I gently remind them that change and growth takes time.Changing ones’ belief systems or learning new behaviors requires persistence and patience. The TA Tree is a simple reminder of the tools they can employ to work on these area of their life.
3. A Good Story
This is the story I tell my clients/students about using The Seven Principles with an actual client.
A few years back, a physician came to see me. She was recently divorced, depressed, and desperate. She also was impatient, and wanted good results now.
I said “When you see a new patient, how do you proceed on the first visit?” She said, “I take a history. I rule out what does not apply to the patient. Then I come up with a treatment plan”. I told her we would do the same process.
After explaining the Seven Principles, I asked her to identify areas she was already doing well, and areas she needed work. She said “My childhood was fine. I think I have good foundational beliefs about life. But I have been told I talk down to people. And I work too much.” Together, we identified 2 areas for work— good communication (principle 4) and Time Structuring (principle 5). We made a contract to address these 2 behaviors and skills (treatment plan).
As we continued our work, other principles came into play. But she was very clear on what she wanted, and how she could get there.
The Seven Principles Tree helps clients can see the ‘big picture’. They can choose the areas on which they want to work, and ‘rule out’ areas they are already doing well. In my experience, most clients want to focus on 2-3 areas. This clear direction for the counseling process gives a client confidence and hope. Throughout the process, they can refer back to the flourishing tree, and remind themselves what it takes to have a authentic life.
For TA teachers, The Seven Principles Tree and The TA Tree gives them a visual tool to teach TA belief systems and behaviors. They can post a copy next to the dry erase board, and refer to it during sessions. It makes their task to teaching TA easier, and can be taught to individuals, couples, families, businesses, and groups. It serves as an introduction to TA. It is my hope that is it is a springboard for more TA exploration.
The Seven Principles for Creating an Authentic Life is available through iBookstore. For more information about the TA Tree, or other tools, contact Catherine M. O’Brien at theTAteacher@gmail.com
Practitioners of Transactional Analysis were interviewed on their use of and appreciation for TA during the 2013 USATAA conference. USATAA proudly re-posts this wonderful video that features highlights from several of those interviews.
***Blog posts on The NET represent the viewpoint of the author and have not been verified or endorsed by USATAA.***
Since the 1960s when Thomas A. Harris, PhD./T.M.*, first introduced to his best-selling, I’m OK— You’re OK , (Harper & Row, New York, 1969), this phrase has been trivialized over and over again.
I accepted the phrase wholly when first introduced to the concept. The concept was born in Eric Berne’s San Francisco Seminar Through the years I have become increasingly uncomfortable with the phrase. Many persons have argued with me that people’s behavior makes this concept false. A psychiatrist argued against the concept saying, “Watch out for ‘third-degree Bernes'”. Comedians have joked about in their routines for years. A New Yorker cartoon (1972)1 caption had a woman on a phone conversation saying, “We are reading “I’m Ok—You’re OK” and we’re ok because of the martinis, not the book.” Most usage, I believe, have missed the true meaning of the concept.
My teacher, the late Morris L. Haimowitz, Ph.D/T.M*, said that I’m “OK—You’re OK” means, “I value myself and I value You.” The first time Morris mentioned this in my training group, I felt a breath of fresh air. He put into words what I had been feeling for years.
Religious literature such as the Hebrew and Christian bibles support this concept “loving self and neighbor.” Jewish theologian, Martin Buber, wrote a book, I and Thou (Translated by Walter Kaufmann, Harper & Row, New York, 1996) which espouses that all human beings are created in the Divine image and are valuable.
Mary Goulding, MSW, TM, emphasized another aspect of OK—OK understanding, “being” and “doing”. She taught at the Western Institute for Group and Family Therapy about being and doing strokes. The nature state of the person is OK by herself/himself. OK-ness is a part of our Being. There is a contemporary notion that one has to “do” in order to be OK. She taught trainees that each person is OK in their natural state without “doing” anything.
I had a couple in my congregation who were compulsive in a loving way of giving food and other gifts to me as a single pastor. I invited them for lunch as a Christmas gift to them. To their chorus of “what can I bring”, I answered, “Nothing! Bring yourselves for I love you the way you are and this is my Christmas gift to you.” They were OK as persons and didn’t have to give the pastor a gift to be OK. They came to lunch and a wonderful time was held by all.
I ask our Transactional Analysis community to re-visit the concept, I’m OK—You’re OK. Please don’t gloss over this important teaching. Help those in our therapy practice and those outside the office to understand the concept “I value myself and I value others.”